The perils of man…

By Toby McCartney August 2010

In the book Men are from Mars, Women are from venus, John Gray describes the differences between woman’s time management and mens… (I can tell already that this article is going to be controversial, so I take no responsibility at all for John Grays book or my own comments that follow.  What do I know anyway, I’m simply a man and a simple one at that or so I’m told…)

Anyway… Like many men, 9 times out of 10 I’m stood at the door in the mornings ready and waiting to leave to be on time for the days pre-prepared events.  I like to be on time, in fact early, for any appointment, scheduled event or planned outing that I have in my diary – it’s a man thing I’m sure…

Now, like many women (I said many, not all), 9 times out of 10, Kate is ‘faffing’ about with her hair and makeup and all the other womanly tasks she creates for herself each morning before arriving downstairs, 10 minutes late to find a red faced, teeth grinding, highly frustrated husband who tries to hold back his frustrated comments, honestly, but finds it so difficult and so shouts lots of expletives to make himself feel slightly better.  By the time we get in the car my blood pressure is reaching an all time high and the journey to the event is less than pleasant.  Kate, unaware that there’s really any problem at all, continues to do her makeup in the little tiny mirror that Vauxhall have so kindly provided her with and I breathe heavily through my nose whilst muttering to myself, fists clenched tightly around the steering wheel while tiny beads of cold stress sweat form on my forehead.  And, although you may deny it – I know I’m not alone in my frustrations…

But, by Jingoes… I think I’ve solved the issue (For the greater good of man of course).  I’ve spotted a pattern and I wonder whether it’s a pattern that many (not all) women follow…

I discovered it last week, when Kate and I had gone out for a walk.  “What time are you due to be at Toddlers on Tuesday” I asked Kate.  The information I was about to receive would help me pre-plan my Tuesday’s diary.  “I think about 10ish” came the response…

Now I don’t know about you, but when I learned how to tell the time as a lad, 10’ish’ wasn’t on my Mickey Mouse watch…

“So what time do we start the course on Saturday?” I asked.

“10:30ish, I think” Kate replied.

“There it is again” I thought…  “ish…” How have I never noticed it before?

Now I was onto something, so I though I would really test out my theory with another question…

“So if we need to get the train down to London at 11:00 on Friday, what time do you think we should set off from the house then babe?” I asked.  I use the term babe to disguise my questioning and pesky theorizing…

“Let’s leave at 10:30ish, that should be plenty of time” she relied. (Which was odd because it takes 30 minutes if there’s no traffic at all so if we set off at 10:30 we would miss the train… but anyway…)

That’s it… “ISH“.  Kate always uses it when she talks about time… Those three letters are the difference that makes the difference – the difference between being horribly late and stressed, and being on time for things…

I just don’t use “ish” anywhere in my language…  Nothing in my vocab has an “ish”.  Your not gay or straight ‘ish’ are you, or funny ‘ish’ or not funny ‘ish’, or in love ish or hated ‘ish’, hungry ‘ish’ or died of starvation ‘ish’.  You can imagine the terror on peoples faces when they attend the funeral of a loved one and the priest blurts out “We now commit this man to be cremated who died ‘ish’ on Thursday…”

It’s not even a word.  It means, basically, nothing unless it means “late”!  In fact I blame those three letters for putting doubt in the minds of the human race for all things… “They will attack us in 45 minutes with nuclear weapons ‘ish'”, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman ‘ish'”, “We are now out of the recession ‘ish'”, “Adam, you can eat from all the trees in the garden, except the tree of knowledge of good and evil – for the day you eat of it, you shall surely die’ish'” Poor, confused Adam, who could blame him – he thought dieing ‘ish’ would mean he would simply get a dicky tummy…

So could this be it?  The perils of man solved…  Could those three letters be the cause of male baldness, male stress, man flu and all other horrible man problems?

It could be down to those three simple letters…‘ish’ couldn’t it?.

By | 2010-08-31T14:16:52+00:00 August 31st, 2010|Language|2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Kate 31/08/2010 at 6:44 pm - Reply

    Mmmmmmm
    Well…………….

    Ok, ok – I now recognise the pattern since it has been delivered to me with such sensitivity!!!

    All joking aside, I have found this discovery revealing! It is an excellent example of the ‘difference that makes the difference’. These small but critical elements that define our unique coding. Ofcourse, now I recognise the pattern I am placed at choice – ‘Do I wish to change?’ is the big question.

  2. Sandie 01/09/2010 at 8:44 am - Reply

    Change? Maybe-ish …

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