Just Do It!

“Don’t strike when the iron is hot, make it hot by striking.”

Just write. Write something. Anything. Just write. Simple instructions really. So here I am – just writing. And it’s strange really as this theme of ‘just do it’ was very present when I was coaching earlier today. If we ‘wait’ until we feel good before living our life, it could well be a very, very long wait…

There is a term  (well it’s frame of thinking really) in NLP known as ‘act as if’. And it does what it says on the tin – we act ‘as if’ we are confident, or happy, or brave (or whatever emotion we would like more of). Not ‘pretending’ so much as we adopt how it would be if we were that way.
For example, what behaviour might you more of? Patience? Confidence? Contentment? Ask yourself, what would I look like when I have that? How would I stand? Move? Get a sense of that. Then step into it. Looking through your own eyes, allow the emotions associated to flood through you. Now you are ‘acting as if’. Rather than waiting for a new way of feeling we create one, and then, guess what? Then we feel different. I think that’s why I like the quote

“Don’t strike when the iron is hot, make it hot by striking.”

Also, along with ‘just do it’ is ‘just do its sister – ‘just say it’! My client sheepishly today,
“I want to be able to let go.”
When I requested that she say that in the present tense and add movement to the sentence she, at first muttered,
“I am letting go and moving forward”, which was accompanied with an incongruent squint, strained expression.
“I don’t believe that yet”, she added
“I think I’m going to need to say that a few more times before I believe it. My answer: say it then.

So she did, and with each time her body straightened. Her head became central, shoulders back. Her voice louder. Then a long pause, an emotional shift – a realisation. Firstly just words, then movement in the body, commitment in the voice, then an emotion, then the formation of an empowering new belief.

30 minutes ago I had no idea I had this many words to share. My sense is ‘just write’, ‘just do it’, ‘just say it’ – the rest catches up.

Love Kate

Tradition Vs Values

I’ve just received some disappointing news…  I received a letter this morning from Anila who lives in the SOS orphanage we support in Alwaye, southern India.  She’s just completed a degree in fashion design and is one of the brightest young girls I’ve ever met.  She’s 17.

On 7th November, she has been told that she is to be married and will leave the orphanage to start a new life with her, as yet, unseen husband.

When I last saw her in March I asked her what her plans were now that she has achieved her degree qualifications. “I want to open my own shop, just like your versace shop, but with my own designs.” She told me.

Tradition though doesn’t allow for an orphaned girl to have her own shop…

When Kate and I decided to get married, we gathered all of our family around to tell them.  They were all delighted and planned a big party to celebrate. The excitement and joy of our news soon rippled out to our friends, our family friends and even to people we hardly knew.

When I told Kate and our family about Anila’s marriage, I was met with silence.

Tradition, I think, is important, but could it evolve as our values and beliefs change over time?  Tradition after all comes from the past, and in the past orphaned girls in India didn’t have any opportunities to get a degree or even gain employment.  Marriage is a traditional ceremony, especially in India, but I just wonder whether, at 17, tradition could make way for choice…

It would be wrong for me, a westerner, to try to change the traditions of another country, but I can’t help but feel disappointed that such a young girl is now unlikely to fulfill her dreams.

Thanks for reading. Toby

The worst job in the world…

I received an email today from my young cousin and the subject bar reads “The worst job I’ve ever had.”

My 21 year old cousin has taken a job with a call center and it’s her responsibility to ‘cold call’ potential customers and persuade them to buy gas and electric from her.

I chuckled to myself as I read the email, not only because some poor sucker gave my cousin a job, but also because I thought ‘cold calling’ had gone out with the arc… It’s like hearing that MC Hammer pants are back in and we should all rush out to get a pair. Shocking news, and when you actually see people in them, you can’t help but chuckle.

When I called her to mock, I asked why it’s the worst job in the world. She said she hates ‘cold calling’ because people are so rude to her when she calls. “She won’t last long in this job!” I thought to myself.

My advice was to eliminate the term ‘cold calling’ from her vocabulary. It’s a horrible phrase and it conjures up all sorts of horrible scenarios, such as flicking through the yellow pages and calling people randomly at the very time they sit down to have their dinner. Annoying, frustrating, time wasting and plain bad marketing if you ask me.

“There are better ways” I told her!

Targeted or ‘warm calling’ is a much more user-friendly term and with warm calling, the people you call will warmly receive your offers because they have ‘opted in’ and put their hand out to welcome you first. You have permission to handshake in a sense.

I believe cold calling is a dying art, or I hope it is anyway. Having said this, rather than my cousin going back to the dole queue, I feel like I should help. And so I’ve decided to write a ‘Tips Booklet’ for her entitled ’10 ways to get great results from ‘cold calling’. The first tip will be to scrap the name cold calling…

I’ll have it done in a few weeks – just before my cousin gives up the job – so if you fancy a copy, please leave me a comment below and I will contact you for your address. If you don’t leave a comment, I promise not to call…

Thanks for reading. Toby

India’s Naming Ceremony

I have never really thought of our daughter’s naming day as an Interfaith ceremony until the leader of our interfaith group suggested we might share the details of the day as a way to offer suggestions and ideas to others (hence my sharing this now). To us, we have always believed that we all ‘do’ much the same thing; we just label that activity in different ways. For example we planted a fig tree in our garden and asked our guests to tie a ribbon onto it. The ribbon represented something that they would want for our daughter India as she grew. 

                “Some might see this like a wish, others a goal, others might see it like a prayer”.

Toby, my husband, offered these varying labels to our friends and family. Whichever one they chose (wish, goal, prayer) the essence was the same. In addition, I believe that whatever quality they chose for India, that they must have this quality within them, and that, on some level, they will share this with her as she grows.

At the start of the day we confessed that we had no idea what happened at a naming ceremony and were really designing it as we went along. Also, whilst our guests may have come along under the impression that they day was about India, it was actually about them. In fact, a celebration of them and all that they are, because India will be influenced by the qualities that they demonstrate.

 As she grows she will (like all children) model what she sees. So the day is to thank them for the love they share, the humour they create, the compassion they demonstrate, the cheekiness, the great cooking, the style, humility, the kindness… India will become all that they are and do, how could she not?

And then, like all good McCartney bashes, this ‘ceremony’ (if you could call 50 people gathered around the pond in our garden a ‘ceremony’) was followed by lots of drink and incredible food laid on by India’s doting Grandparents. The sun even came out and shone brightly on what was a very special day. So, if you are planning a day for your baby or child you might like to ask yourself what would you want for them in their life? (rather than just the day) as a new frame of thinking and a new creative platform. 

I wish you and your loved ones the very best,
Kate